


Scram

by orphan_account



Category: The Get Down (TV)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Zeke pines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Shao imagines everyone can see the love he has for Zeke on his face. Hates it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had to post this or my draft was gonna delete - didn't mean to make it a two parter but I'll try to get back to it soon.

 

 

Everyone knows.

Mylene knows. Cadillac knows. Fat Annie knows.

The Get Down Brothers must not know, or they would have kicked his ass to the curb.

"I ain't a faggot!" he yells at Mylene's back.

_Get your own man._

The words burn him. He doesn't let himself think on them. Mylene and whoever-the-fuck-else can go fuck themselves. He isn't in love with Zeke, he _loves_ Zeke. It's different. He isn't a pervert, doesn't think about touching him or being touched. And those dreams he has? just stupid subconscious shit that don't mean a fucking thing. Honestly, it's a wonder he can have wet dreams anymore at all.

He'd thought he wouldn't feel emasculated anymore if he could just - only, it's worse. Makes him feel worse. And it's not just 'cause he feels like a fucking fairie. But it feels shameful, somehow more shameful than what he does with Annie. Like if Zeke looked at him and _knew_  - it would be - it's unthinkable. 

So he can't get it up anymore. 

Or at least, not in the daytime. He used to be able to. For girls even.

Even when he didn't want to.

 

 

"Yo. Ra Ra - you and Tanya hook up yet?" Zeke asks. Boo and Dizz cat call him in sync.

It's a relatively low risk subject. Something that seems to be rarer these days. They're in Shao's space, hanging out. 

"It ain't like that." Ra says and Zeke almost regrets asking, knows Ra really likes her. 

"Why - you can't get it up?" Boo shoots out, smile on his face.

Shao's in the bathroom.

Maybe that's why Ra says what he does.

"Nigga please. You know I ain't no Shaolin."

"What you mean by that?" Zeke asks, and it probably comes out defensive because Ra puts his hands up in supplication.

"Yolanda got a big ass mouth." Boo says, frowning now. Zeke thinks it's kind of nice, kind of sweet, that Boo has become Shaolin's watch dog, always looking out for him. As if the Shao - the big bad drug dealer - needed protection.

"Hey man, she heard it straight from Mylene."

"what Mylene say?" Zeke asks, a little impatient.

"Just that - you know man - she heard it from. Shit, what's her name? Rebecca? Shaolin Fantastic can't get it _up_."

"Please." Zeke blows out with a laugh, like it's a joke. It's the funniest thing he's heard in awhile.

Shaolin Fantastic the _Lady killing Romantic_ not able to get it up.

"What you all laughing at niggas?" Shao says, face a little angry, as if he thinks that every time he leaves a room and comes back to laughter it's at his expense.

He isn't actually wrong this time.

Zeke cackles, takes a hit.

"Yo, B. I heard you can't get it up."

"Fuck you." Shao says, automatic. But it sounds a little desperate, a little like he's begging them to believe him when he continues, "You fucking know I can get it up for any damn fine ladies out there."

The Kipling brothers have the good sense to keep their collective mouths shut. And Zeke would tease him, isn't afraid of him like they are, but something makes it stick in his throat. The atmosphere seems to sour, turn tense and awkward without reason. It's Boo, who comes to Shao's rescue.

"Like all you niggas ain't fucking virgins. 'Cept Zeke. And yeah, even you Dizz, I know you ain't got nothing going on."

 

 

Zeke's not sure why the thought sticks with him. Why it suddenly teases at his brain and he's unable to let it go.

He could ask Mylene, only no - he couldn't. 

He definitely can't ask Shaolin, not even under the guise of asking advice, Shaolin would see through him in a second. He was already cripplingly defensive whenever he sensed Zeke poking at a sore spot. He had so many sore spots they were difficult to number and Zeke always seemed to be slipping, making Shao angry without meaning to, without knowing what he's done.

So the idea sticks in his head.

And it kind of grows from there.

 

 

Zeke imagines Shao in bed at night. Imagines Shao alone under his covers, hands reluctantly sliding down into his underwear where he strokes and strokes, and bites his lip, but nothing happens. He can even see the little frustrated furrow in Shao's brow. 

It takes a while to progress from that, to his imaginary self leaning down and getting a firm grasp, asking, 'You need some help Shao?'

 

 

It doesn't stop at that.

 

 

Zeke's imagination kicks into overdrive. It's inconvenient. One minute he's jamming in the room with his brothers but then he gets distracted by Shao's lips and stutters over his verse. 

 

 

There's a blow out at home and suddenly he's homeless. He isn't though, because he has Shaolin.

Keeps hearing his almost Uncle's words, _Pride goes before a fall_ , to the soundtrack of Shaolin's face.

_Stay forever if you want._

Shao says and Zeke almost snaps back, 'Yeah you'd like that wouldn't you?'.

It isn't very polite. Besides, it's not as if Shao actually sets out to drag Zeke down. It's just his nature, ultimately.

He can kiss college goodbye, and it stings. Makes him mindlessly angry if he thinks about it too much, because he'd been _so close_. But, he has to consciously remind himself, at least he's not kissing Shao goodbye anytime soon now and that soothes the sting.

He scolds Shao like he's a child, almost feels bad when Shao ducks his head and looks ashamed. Almost, because Shao does deserve it.

"I hope you'd tell me if I did some thing wrong too, though it's unlikely I'll do anything wrong." he says, or says something like it. Later, the exact words are hard to remember.

Shao nods. Debases the moment, and maybe dispels his own embarrassment at being scolded by making rude gestures of love making, telling Zeke he has somewhere to bring Mylene now at least. Zeke takes one look around the small, broken down room and the dirty little mattress and knows there's no way he'll let Mylene see this. He almost says so but then Shao is trying to impress a fact on him.

"You're on the streets now." Shao says, like it's important, and Zeke nods. It kind of is. 

He says it again though, tells him to remember, like it's a vital fact.

"I know." Zeke confirms.

 _You're on the streets now._ Those words, and the distressed sight Shao makes as he says them, stick in his head picture perfect.

 

 

Shaolin is beginning to understand what it means - to take care of someone else. And it's not like he hasn't before. As a kid on the street. Only back then, even with everything he possessed, there was never a way to provide.

 

The fantasies don't stop. And they hit Zeke hard, at the worst moments. Living with Shao is intimate, and he's glad Napoleon is there as a foil or else he would go crazy. Would maybe do something he shouldn't.

Because when Shao wakes up every morning he stretches out like a cat, squints at the sun and smiles warm, soft and hazy at Zeke before he catches himself. Before he goes to sleep each night he recites the secret of the crayon, runs his fingertips across his arms like they're sore, tells Zeke to say goodnight to the moon.

He mumbles softly in his sleep.

There are some nights where he gasps awake though, and Zeke doesn't care for those because Shao always pushes him off and tells him to mind his own business, to go back to his own bed and stop lingering at the couch.

It's probably the third night or so that Zeke realizes he's taken Shao's bed.

That sets off a whole new realm of fantasies. 

 

 

It's during the Get Down, and Zeke just isn't fucking close enough to hear what they're saying but he imagines it must be contentious. 

"I'm just trying to live free. Just like you." is what he catches as he comes up behind Shao and Cadillac, slings his arm around Shao's neck, possessive.

There's something in Cadillac's face though that strikes him and it takes a second for him to see the tears streaming down the man's face. He signs then, and Zeke wonders what the fuck Shao said to make him switch tracks so fast.

He plans to ask Shaolin about it that night.

 

 

It's a bad night for him.

It's worse for Curtis.

 

 

Zeke's heard a lot of things about Curtis: That no one gave a fuck about him, that he only knows how to take care of himself. That he's selfish, defensive, and doesn't let anyone in.

There's a lot he didn't he didn't hear.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope this turned out okay. Hmmmmmmmm.....I think I'm not satisfied with it but I can't put my finger on it.

 

 

 

Zeke hears the truth in pieces. Wishes he weren't in fucking Connecticut. His brain swells with ideas, scenarios and drips with fear.

Ra tells him Cadillac ran off from Les Inferno, that he's out West somewhere doing a record thing. Ra knows only because Yolanda - who talked to Regina, who talked to Little Wolf - told him. Ra tells him that Napoleon says Shao is gone. That he didn't come home.

Boo gets tried as an adult. 

It's the worst news, something that makes Zeke's breath stutter in his chest. 

He forgets about Cadillac's disappearance. Tries to forget about Shao's and the wild theories he has running in his head. Like how much Cadillac seemed to hate Shao - how Shao had made a Big man like Cadillac cry in front of his lackeys. How Cadillac had killed the last boy who crossed him.

Those words come back to him. _You're on the Streets now_. Not for the first time, he wonders about the inflection of Curtis' voice as he had said them.

Wonders if he's ever actually been as fucking smart as everyone seems to think he is.

 

 

He doesn't _consciously_ think about it. Something about the miles between him and everyone he's ever known make his mind free. Make him bolder. So much so that he...

Well, he knows Shaolin's name now.

_Curtis._

And he imagines stuttering it out with Curtis beneath him.

 

 

Boo tells him over the phone about a guy he knows in prison. Zeke can hear it in his voice - he isn't doing so well. He sounds tired and shocky.

"Why'd you call me Boo?" Zeke asks, "I don't mean that I don't want to hear- "

"Why didn't I call my brothers right?" Boo chuckles blandly. "I just can't stand to hear any more about how this is my fault."

"It's Shao's." Zeke says, jaw tight around the words.

"Naw." Boo says, "I wish I could talk to him. We understood each other."

"Boo-"

"If you hear from him can you let us know?" Boo cuts him off.

"Why would I hear from him?"

Boo ignores Zeke's question completely.

"You know this guy said he knew him. They grew up kinda together. Said Shao watched his Daddy get shivved and his Momma burn to death. Said a trick lit her on fire. I-it was sick, the other things he said. I'm just thinking about him is all."

Zeke has to clear his throat.

"I'll let you know if I hear anything."

 

 

Each day Zeke puts pen to paper to keep from going crazy. 

He calls Ra a lot, talks to Dizzie sometimes. Mylene hardly has time for him and it takes them two months of not speaking to realize they've nearly forgotten about each other. 

"I've been thinking about what you said before you left." He says into the phone, "about how it wasn't fair to ask me to wait. I was thinking - maybe it wasn't fair to ask you to wait either."

Mylene releases a slow breath over the phone.

"Yeah," she says, "I got a lot going on here. I mean, if we're meant to be together- in the future..."

Zeke has a feeling they won't be. 

 

 

About the fourth time he asks Ra about Shao, Ra finally breaks down.

"Look man," he says, "I didn't want to have to tell you this. But you keep asking!"

Zeke's throat goes dry, "Tell me what Ra?"

"He's with Annie."

"What?" Zeke bites out, head spinning.

"Don't bite _my_ head off." Ra snaps back, "I'm just the messenger."

 

 

Zeke's packed for New York in less than an hour. Realizes he has no money for a ticket and his scholarship only covers it on the way out. 

He's nearly uncontrollably angry. Thinks of all the work they put in just to get Shaolin out of that life. Thinks of how _ungrateful_ Shaolin is. Somehow the frenzied anger and helplessly bitter frustration morph into something else.

He thinks about kissing Curtis hard, until his mouth is swollen. Commanding him not to talk, touch or even _look_ at Annie.

 

 

The days left until he can go home feel like a death sentence. His school work doesn't suffer - his anger drives him to ambitiousness. He spits words on mics in studios now and the audio man doesn't hesitate to call it fire. 

He knows he wants to teach Shaolin a lesson, but the how escapes him. Is only briefly recalled, half forgotten from his dreams.

 

 

He has 26 days left when Ra - who had heard it from Napoleon, who had heard it from Annie directly - tells him that Shaolin is under a new contract.

And the letters of the contract are that Annie owns him - mind, body and soul - in exchange for not murdering The Get Down Brothers. Napoleon had found out because Annie had found him, had drug him in. She'd been intent on teaching him a lesson only Shaolin had intervened. Had argued the terms, had made her honor them.

Mind, body and soul.

Something about that bothers Zeke. He remembers _you're on the streets now_ and abruptly, _who's selling their ass?! Not me!!_ screamed at him the night of the fire. And Shao had called Zeke soft, as if Zeke didn't see the tears he'd wiped away.

He remembers Shaolin's explanation for pushing Zeke away, that he had bad memories with fire.

Zeke thinks of his own mother burning - being lit on fire by a man who had degraded her and is almost thankful for the bullet.

Zeke thinks of tricks and bums and how Annie _looks_ at Shaolin.

How Shaolin had accused them of taking away _the only thing that made him want to live_. And he's not spinning now, can't be, so where does that leave him?

Thinks about how he had the nerve to say that Shao loved the streets.

He thinks of a lot of things. And nothing else but _Shaolin Shaolin Curtis Shaolin_ until he's on the flight home.

 

 

He doesn't know how he's going to take his words back. And any moment is a moment Shaolin may be suffering.

 

 

He'll find him at Les Inferno, that much is obvious. There isn't really a plan. He thinks he means to drag Shaolin off - if he doesn't come quietly. He's prepared to anyway, but as he rounds the corner all he finds is a burnt out husk of a building. It makes his steps stutter to a stop and someone bumps into him from behind, curses him and moves on.

"When did - " he gets out, stupidly.

A newspaperman glances at him balefully.

"Got burned down a few weeks ago kid."

Zeke runs then, and doesn't stop until he's at the Kiplings. Barges into the salon and trips over his feet. 

"Zeke." Dizzie says, moves to slap his palm but stops short. Ra is there, and Napoleon too.

"Les Inferno." Zeke gets out between heaving breaths.

"I-I wanted to tell you." Ra says, guilty and nervous, "But Shaolin asked us not to."

"Where is he?" The demand comes out desperate. "Napoleon, you know?"

Napoleon nods but stays as silent as he usually is.

"He lives in our building now -"

"Dizzie!" Ra cuts him off.

"What? Zeke only has good intentions. Right, Zeke?" Dizzie asks him and Zeke can only nod. 

"The guy Boo made friends with was one of Nicky Barnes' boys." Ra says, sits down heavily on a salon chair, "When he told his boss about Annie coming for him, he didn't take it too kindly."

"Annie's dead." Dizzie supplies.

"What number?" Zeke asks.

 

 

311\. Zeke takes the stairs, thinks it'll be faster.

Shaolin almost shuts the door on him - tries to, but Zeke is faster. Wedges his foot in and pushes.

"Shoulda knew I couldn't trust them." Shao mutters heavily under his breath.

His hair is longer, fluffed out a little. He looks better - more healthy, more flushed - than Zeke can remember seeing. He knows his adam's apple bobs tightly as he swallows, struggles to find words.

"Shao-" he begins, then switches tracks, " _Curtis_ -"

"Don't call me that!" he spits viciously, "What the fuck you want Books?"

He backs up into the tiny apartment and Zeke shuts the door behind them.

"I-I wanted..." Zeke doesn't think the things he wants are appropriate for words. So instead he starts with the obvious. "I heard about you going back to Annie...for our sake, for...my sake."

Shaolin stiffens, raises his jaw up like he's trying to impress upon the fact that he has nothing to be ashamed about. "So? Not like you asked me too, I wasn't looking for a thank you Books."

"I know that." Zeke approaches slowly, tests the limits of what Shao will allow. Shao - who squirms and settles the nearer Zeke gets, "I told you once that I hoped you'd let me know if I did something wrong."

Shao's quiet but the way his face tips down, how he angles his body away from Zeke and sets his jaw as if bracing for pain is telling.

"I did something wrong Shao." Zeke says, reaches out to ghost his fingers across Shaolin's arm. "I did you wrong."

Shao abruptly shrugs Zeke off in surprise, turns around shakily to gather himself. So he doesn't have to see Zeke.

"I'm gonna do right by you." Zeke intones as he steps up behind him, presses his chest to Shao's back. He can feel the fluttery breaths deep in Shao's chest. One hand is on Shao's waist and one is rubbing up and down an arm.

Shao makes a little noise in his throat and tips forward.

It's about then that Napoleon walks in.

Shao snaps up, pushes Zeke away.

"A'ight. J-just not in front of - me _and_ Napoleon live here."

The boy steps in front of Shao, looks up at Zeke with a warning in his eyes. Whatever he finds in Zeke's face though causes him to relax. And Shao - obvious of the exchange - just rubs the back of his neck nervously. Seems shy when he asks.

"Yo, Books. You wanna stay for dinner?" 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
